GratitudeJoy

2012-01-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

A MEDITATION

2010-11-17T10:28:00.000-08:00

BE STILL - JUST FOR TODAY

How would you feel if you knew that where you are at

is where help will reach you? It’s the perfect place to

begin.

Tired, cloudy, painful thoughts hurt and crumple your

physical strength and exhaust your mental fiber. In a

state like this only a radically different approach will

bring relief. So I ask you to be still. Waiting not for

tomorrow doing what needs to be done today! Give up

the battle of the need to do verses the need to rest and

do nothing!

All questions ‘how’, ‘when’, ‘what’ and the surly ‘why

‘mean nothing. Put it aside with a deliberate stroke.

Now take the time to let go. Do not try to get things

better. Your efforts are done you need a light at the

end of the tunnel. Rather than double your efforts put

down the yoke of worry. Think not of tomorrow and its

endless requirements.

Today needs no solution, say that aloud

‘TODAY I WILL NOT TRY AND FIND A SOLUTION’.

Breathe deeply focus on your breathing. In and out

…warm air cold air…heaving chest, expanding and

contracting that is your task at a time like this.

Release your efforts which have been fruitless. Know

this is the time not to do OR not to undo but to be still

in acceptance, non-judgment, and without fear. Stop

running with your desires and make them bid your

command instead.

Go then where you want to be not where you think you

ought to be. For where you want to be is really the

zone you ought to be into live and give of the talents

you are blessed with. With respect for yourself you will

search peace in the inner self and find roots in the

ground of love.

Slow then, is not doing nothing or going nowhere

rather it’s the fast track to wholesome true living.

Love Always

Joscelyn

THE TWELVE STEPS REVISITED

2010-11-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

1. Acceptance – I’ll be me and you’ll be you. We will walk, talk, laugh and cry and all the while I’ll be me and you’ll be you. Know thyself!

2. Faith – God is good and for this reason alone all things will turn out for your good. Faith rolls out the red carpet to a content life.

3. Surrender – Entertain thoughts which bless. Lay down the arms. The struggle is there no more if you let it go.

4. Honesty – Make yourself willing to look at you without the rose-coloured glasses of self-justifications & self-righteousness. Personal sincerity opens doors to growth and peace.

5. Courage – You let well alone. On the things given to you to do and do it well. Listen without judgment. Focus on the essential.

6. Willingness – Go the way no matter what. To change the things you can. First things first.

7. Humility – Acknowledge your mistakes without rationalization. Love yourself as you are. Actively practice gratitude in all things.

8. Forgiveness – Let off the hook first yourself and then others. Believe in the good and make amends wherever possible.

9. Freedom – Choose what to do and what not to do. At times be still. Favor calm over chaos. Act with courtesy.

10. Perseverance – Do the things to change one-self alone. Discard all desire to change another. Resolve to choose a sane way of living. Keep it simple!

11. Patience – With oneself as changes brings into effect many benefits. Empathy with others in their journey of self discovery. Waiting time is never wasted time. Easy does it!

12. Charity – Love towards fellow beings in similar situations and propaganda by example alone. If your motive is right you can never go wrong.

Love always

Joscelyn

THE ONE TIME SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

2010-10-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

I gave myself a break one day I let ME think of the past.

Of the buts and ifs’ I reminisced and the

Could be and maybes’ I dwelt on.

In rushed why without warning?

How did this happen to me?

Poor me! Lucky them!!

Lonesome me. Happy them.

What have I to smile about?

My mind struggled to keep afloat.

A tunnel opened it was lined with the slippery stuff of

self pity. I peeped in and self righteousness grabbed

me.

I slowly slid into the never ending down ward spiral of

self justification.

It was cold to look at but my feelings burned holes into

the fabric of my being. Bitterness I could taste in my

mouth.

Yes, it sure was a break I let myself have!!!! It was

breaking me alright!!!!! It happened so quick!

So I hauled myself back to the present and yes I like it

here in today.

The past is over and the future is not mine. Today is

my playground and do I want to play.

YES!

Everything has two sides.If your perspective gives you

peace you can hang on to it even if no one else agrees.

But when you feel like justifying your stand at every

chance you get. It is Time to try another

perspective.

I forgave. Then nothing else was left to do but the job I

love so well. And the day unfolded busy but the mind

was stable and calm. That is how I like it, its’ like a

million bucks to me!

Have you collected your million!

Love always

Joscelyn Fernandes

Break the unsaid Rule

2010-10-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Inner Power rules the earth it’s not about the few on

the top and visible to the rest of the world.

It is about the hundreds of millions who are just as

talented but who have an audience of maybe one or

less.

The system creates the hysteria and hype but in

actuality they are just as ordinary or extraordinary as

anyone.

In order to make one larger than the other the reason

is far from noble. The results are far from dignified.

Celebrities are neither exempted from pain or

insecurity. They have flawed judgment like anyone

else. And suffer the consequences. It’s all in the news

for all to see.

Break the code that the world is for the fortunate few.

Life is for all.

Yet we have the system that we worship the creation of

illusion to get away from the reality of our lives.

We want something else for ourselves but instead of

working towards it. We seek quick fixes in the make

belief life of others.

Resources are plunged repeatedly into the bottomless

pit of keeping this illusion going! We are a part of

keeping the Fantasy going.

There are a hundred million singers in this world even

as I write who are talented and use their talent to

spread smiles where they are.

There are hundred million dancers in this world even

as I write who are talented and use their talent to

spread smiles where they are. This is so for every talent

known to man.

God given talents are given to spread love.

Talents are to be used to spread joy.

Talents are given to be used for the benefit of others.

Not for one’s own glory!

That’s why all climbing and achieving ends in the

reversal of fortunes. No one remains the same unless

they are using the talents for the good of others.

That is when it becomes endless and fulfilling as was

intended.

Celebrate and give those who are with you! Treat them

with the same awe and admiration you afford the silver

screen idols or any other famous personality who you

have never met.

Spend your time energy and love on them while you

have the chance.

Waste not another moment on a daydream and live in

the moment with the people who surround you.

That all you have, live it!

Love always

Joscelyn Fernandes

DISCERN LOVE

2010-10-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Love lives. It is in the acts not the words. It is in the thoughts which lead to kindness and consideration. It is living.

Love never ends. In tough times of breathless confusion it is love which drives and hopes. It is love which allows the feelings of optimism resurface and take power. It is endless.

‘Of course with my prince charming I will but naturally live happily. And life’s forces will rock and roll to the beat of my drum.’ This comes across encouragingly like love. However this is not love. This is expectation.

Love is a secure & balanced feeling of well being. Love is unwavering and does not rock and roll to life’s twists and turns.

It does not change with circumstances. It wants nothing in return. It does not fear losing itself for another. It has no prospect for self. Love always wins for its joy lies in the triumph of others. It is joyful.

Peaceful, creative, forgiving, kind and compassionate are the eyes of love. It seeks the happiness of another and in that alone lays its happiness. It is ever evolving.

Unconditional is love. No reasoning or barter takes place in love. It gives for the sole rationale of giving. It is generous.

Loves lives the judgment of optimism. It speaks words of caution. And prayers for the safety and well being of the reckless loved one. It embraces the stumbling one. It is breathing conviction.

Haste plays no role. Patience is its face. It embraces the outcome for the good of the loved one with open arms. Hope in life is love.

Its love when you go with your instinct and don’t give up on yourself or a child and refuse to listen to the voices which are contrary to what you feel. Faith in oneself is love.

No two people can love exactly alike. No two people are alike and each can love only as uniquely as the person is. To compare and contrast is a ravage of time.

Faith, hope and charity have no flame without love.

Use your time well.

Live LOVE!

Love always

Joscelyn

Tryst with Paranoid Thinking

2010-10-06T05:01:00.000-07:00

Fearful is the mind of outcomes and end results so it struggles to find ways to control and stop the unstoppable.

Faith is no visitor in this environment. Hope has fled to another time and age.

You are standing as if on the edge of a cliff set on a bowl of jelly.

Imaginations are as fluid as real. A hazy feeling like smoke blurs every thought of calm.

Surrounding everything is a tight, unhappy & destitute goal.

The goal being I have to DO something. DO IT MY WAY and try and

keep trying to make it all well! I claim this is not unreasonable. I say

I know best. It’s my life I should know. Isn’t it?

Defenses up. Every thought goes back to that thought. What if?

Doom looms large? Despair is so friendly.

Arrogance stems from the likes of this kind of thought control. This was news to me. How can arrogance cause the hot ball escalating downhill to my ruin? When everything that I am trying to do is to stall that very situation of devastation?

How?

Mistrustful is the heart as I listen to the logic which seemed unreal and anger takes over.Not possible says a voice it is mine.

How can I not do anything to make things better?

How can I be expected to not scold, contrive & connive? It’s my life after all?

Suspicious of every intention

Obsessed with finding answers

I lumber on.......

Bad-tempered are the demands on one self and the other. This leads to more despair.

Then I stopped to pay attention to the logic of the Serenity prayer

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

A strange calm descends as surrender no longer means giving up hope. Rather it’s a method to think things from a different perspective. It is a road where human dignity is restored.

Pride rides out into the sunset. Saddle bags full of the past misconceptions.

Never to reign in this mind again.

Promise made. Promise kept.

Love always

Joscelyn

MY LIST OF AWESOME THINGS

2010-09-29T09:19:00.001-07:00

I am amazed by

The flow of paint from a brush

Pen strokes of a calligrapher

The art of writing the Chinese characters

The mercurial run on Arabic script

The learning capability of children

The colours of an evening winter’s sky

I am thrilled by

The sound of raindrops on a rooftop

The streams of water flowing of corrugated sheets

A child’s writing and drawings

The success of others

An understanding heart

A twinkle in the eye

I am moved by

The reality of love

An outstretched hand stops your stumble.

Consideration of a stranger

Broad reconciliation bridges

The spirit of cheerful staying power

Doing to the best of one’s ability

It makes my day! What makes yours?

Love always

Joscelyn

IMAGINE

2010-09-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Small hands wipe tears of the face of another little one

Tiny hands clap for everything

A smiling senior citizen

Honest advice no hidden agenda

A warm hug

Opponents shake hands

A helpful hand extended and received as such

A fistful of earth in a concrete jungle

A look of love in the most ordinary moment

Excitement of a win

Tears of a loser

Laughter of a tramp

Satisfaction of a job well done

Credits acknowledged

A smile through tears

Confidence revisited

Trembling chin soothed

Withdrawn expectation

Peace in thoughts

Promise fulfilled

Compassion in speech

Comfort in words

Pardon in the final analysis

Imagine a life without these moments!

I don’t want my life to be without these moments.

Do you? Can you?

Love always

Joscelyn

TEN TOP OPPORTUNITIES TO LIVE AND LEARN

2010-09-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

Let you heart rule your head. The turmoil which ensues will spin your life turtle. Let it! Then find your head on your shoulders thereafter each time and every time.
Let a blunder rake and rile you for a chosen period of time [limited], feel the harm it does and then forgive yourself and go on to honor your better self.
Let the fear of being disliked hamper and stunt the quality of thought, word and deed. Then pack up fear with no ceremony and start to think, speak and do freely as you believe.
Let the discomfort of confrontation hijack and gag the need to know the truth then pluck the courage and face the fiends. Vapour is the natures of demons, a wave of intend is all that is required to push forward.
Let persons belittle you for love and misplaced loyalty then silently move out of reach and make room for precious thoughts which uplift and guide actions of love.
Let people manipulate and distort facts in order that you act in response in a certain way then choose to be true to yourself and think for yourself.
Let the need to be loved lead to actions your instincts disagree with. Then feel the freedom of not having to try to be loved and know that to be loved is not earned its just there.
Let peoples opinion rule your choice, words and thoughts and then move on to become independent of validation of another. Listen to your inner voice, it leads and comforts like no other.
Let noise be your screen and defense and then visit the silence of your spirit, never to return to the din for here lays your integrity.
Let you treat yourself harshly. This is a hard one to see. Cause it’s too close for comfort. Sometimes a lifetime passes before you can see, believe and act in your interest. Don’t let that be the case with you. Treating yourself with love, care and respect is the key to doing the same for others.

Love always,

Joscelyn

HORNS & HALOS

2010-09-07T03:18:00.000-07:00

Dolly Parton the well known country song writer and singer had a
smash hit concert named ‘All is well’ long ago. [Just saw it again for
the umpteen time on DVD]

And now ‘All izz well’ is made famous here in India by Aamir Khans ‘3
Idiots.’

Well done, to both enterprises.
All is well.
It’s just a state of mind. Peace.

When you believe that everything that has happened, is happening and
will happen is for your good alone. Believe me with this belief reality
just falls into line. It has no choice because your state of mind creates
your reality. Simple!

Dolly’s songs identify with real human emotions and feelings thus
making it so expressive and easily identifiable. It tells me that these
feelings are experienced commonly the world over.

How else would songs be written on something one thinks is personal and singly confidential and related to only them? It’s because it’s not as one of a kind but more frequent and relative than one can imagine.

So don’t allow the finger pointers to make you feel isolated and alone.
“Sometimes we wear halos and sometimes we wear horns” sings Dolly!
Then, we make a choice to exchange our horns for halos.

So carry that burden no more. No dent is permanent unless you want it to be.The circumstances and choices that build lives cannot be judged by anyone.

So all you lovely people out there do not paralyze your
thoughts with the ray gun of hurt and traumatic disbelief but go on
your way. You have everything you need to be and do a marvelous job
with the rest of your life.

Journey forward to a better life make it happen only as you can.
Everyone has a saving quality.
Find it and make it your position.

Stagnation is and never has been my strong point. No matter how
deeply I feel or am affected, eventually I get fed up of the sorrow and
move forward. Then each day becomes the day I am up in arms.
With a vow to put my best foot forward.

I write what I learned.

So kindness can spare the horror finale. I took the turn and there was
no boogie man there just a welcoming peace and comfort.

I am free. You are too!

Choose Life!

Love always,
Joscelyn

When it is time, it will be time enough.

2010-09-01T01:01:00.000-07:00

Entertaining NO THOUGHTS of distress and worry

leaves one with a lot of undiluted energy and time.

It’s extraordinary to think many have lived lives such

as this quite naturally.

But for me, I have painstakingly tried and practiced

over years. With a heaping of small and big victories I

now have accomplished it in the 54th year of my life.

I should say here every experience has contributed to

my being. I acknowledge my good and sensible choices

and my imprudent and resentful ones too. I take full

responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

I may not agree but I appreciate those who disagree

with me. This is the toughest and the most liberating

clause I have worked to my peace of mind.

I chanced upon something I had written 14 years ago. I

was pleasantly surprised to see that how I am now is

exactly how I wanted to and planned to be that many

years ago. I never looked at myself as such a

passionate, meticulous and focused planner.

But I am.

I never admired myself for my persistence. Over the

years and decades ago I was told by many a coworker

and management of my focus and confidence to get the

task done with finesse.

But I saw it only as confidence of doing my best, just as

doing the needful and going the extra mile for myself

alone.

At the on start itself I could see the end result the way I

wanted it to be.

Once that grip was in place the routes to accomplishing

it were taken on a need basis and never compromised

on, in terms of quality and time investment.

My satisfaction at the end was the reward I sought. I’d

smile to myself in the dark as I lay my head on the

pillow. Well done! I told myself, enthused and raring

to go on to the next day and the next project.

I see myself now as successful at being ME. My heart

agrees. A floating feeling of peace surrounds as I write

this.

I forgive myself for all the trouble wittingly and

unwittingly I caused myself. As I write this my heart

flutters. That’s how alive my conscience is today.

Maybe I have yet to make peace with some things. But

I am on the path I will get there. At last I respect and

love myself as my God intended.

I am reunited with my inner self. I do things, the

things which need to be done for myself. An

expectation in perspective is a gift of fortitude.

Every human has borne pain.

The question is how does pain motivate you? Is it, to

tears, anger, revenge and then uneasy justification in

that order?

Yes, it does we are human after all.

Then after we make the choice of the course of action

the hard work starts. It’s a journey and the reward is

in this alone. I try consistently to walk this talk, I find

it worthwhile.

Try it!

Love always,

Joscelyn

WISDOM FROM A PIMPLE

2010-08-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

After days of tummy waltzing with delicious

Alphonso mangoes the heat kicks in and I am

greeted one morning with a pimple.

It appeared on the right side of my face.

Close to the lower part of my cheek.

Brilliant enough to be clearly noticed a few

centimeters from my lips. I stood and stared

while it greeted me and its presence sunk in.

For me a pimple is strange company

considering I never had any in my youth!

So I peered and lifted my face and angled the

mirror. That was study enough. I turned and

walked away.

Day one unfolded. I lived every moment doing

the job at hand as best I can. The pimple

remained positioned and present in all the

order of work executed. But it did not claim

my interest. I did not try to conceal or

camouflage it. I had accepted it as part of me.

I made no pointed mention and directed no

attention to it. It was there accepted as part of

me.

The next day it hurt. I gave it a passing glance

as I stood before the mirror to get ready for

day two with my additional feature. The

pimple remained positioned and present in all

the order of work executed today too. But it

did claim my odd thought for it made its

presence felt with a twinge of pain now and

again.

I did not reach for it nor try to comfort it

directly. The day wore on as time has a way to

go. Nothing out of the extra ordinary

happened as teacher’s, parents and students

met me. Satisfaction ruled as I did my job.

With a smile on my face I returned home.

Day three greeted me with the repulsive sight

of a yellowish tip on my new feature. The

truth be told I felt sorry for whoever would

have to look into my face today. And that is

assured there would be plenty of traffic of

adults and children scheduled to interact with

me.

The Pimple was begging for attention with its

angry look. It could not be missed, that’s for

sure? A dab of an ointment went on to it as I

signaled to myself to go about my day.

Yes, a cocked eyebrow, a distracted smile and

a pointed “who beat you” by a tot had me

explaining myself several times that day. With

a little effort we were able to remain focused

on the job at hand.

And day three ended.

Day four was much the same as day three.

And with the dawn of day five, life started

getting into normal mode. My feature shrank

with each coming day and was almost invisible

on day seven.

I was relieved to note that with patience

and minimum interference the pimple

was gone. I smiled.

I sure was in for a rude shock on day nine

when additional feature number 2 decided to

appear. Right near my nose.

Panic rose within my beating breast this had

to go. I cannot accept this. I did less staring

and went into commando mode in a flash

decision. I fiddled and pressed and plucked

and pinched at it. It hurt, but that did not

seem to hinder me from doing what I went

about doing to my own skin. I patted it down

and tried to make it invisible.

And invisible it was not to be. Every morning

and every night I did the same routine of

fiddling and pressing and plucking and

pinching it into submission. Days were

littered with unpleasant and unhappy feelings

when I looked at or felt the pimple.

Pain and irritation clouded my thoughts

several minutes a day. Nonetheless, I did what

I had to do work wise but in crept a niggling

irritation when least expected.

And to cut a long story short it just remained

unfazed and the days rolled into weeks and my

pimple is with me 4 weeks later. As flushed

and in bloom as the first day it appeared. I

cannot lie there are days in between when it

seemed to be receding to the low lying areas of

invisibility.

But it never really does. It’s there

right under the surface the root inflamed and

ready to erupt on a short fuse.

Here’s what I learned in all this, acceptance of

reality of the things you cannot change is the

key to a rational operational choice. Of course

the practical aspect of acceptance in any

problem is in one’s best interest. As Pimple

number 1 ‘showed me so’.

Panic is a foe and battling problems which

only need acceptance to tide them over, may

lead to unending revolting consequences.

Being in a hurry to find solutions may

camouflage the problem but the root will

always be a source of pain. “I taught you so”

muttered Pimple number 2.

All healing takes time and must begin from

within. Thus spoke the Pimples and humbled

me with their wisdom.

Love always

Joscelyn

Ten Top Opportunities to Live and Learn

2010-08-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

1. Let you heart rule your head. The turmoil which ensues will spin your life turtle. Let it! Then find your head on your shoulders thereafter each time and every time.

2. Let a blunder rake and rile you for a chosen period of time [limited], feel the harm it does and then forgive yourself and go on to honor your better self.

3. Let the fear of being disliked hamper and stunt the quality of thought, word and deed. Then pack up fear with no ceremony and start to think, speak and do freely as you believe.

4. Let the discomfort of confrontation hijack and gag the need to know the truth then pluck the courage and face the fiends. Vapour is the natures of demons, a wave of intend is all that is required to push forward.

5. Let persons belittle you for love and misplaced loyalty then silently move out of reach and make room for precious thoughts which uplift and guide actions of love.

6. Let people manipulate and distort facts in order that you act in response in a certain way then choose to be true to yourself and think for yourself.

7. Let the need to be loved lead to actions your instincts disagree with. Then feel the freedom of not having to try to be loved and know that to be loved is not earned its just there.

8. Let peoples opinion rule your choice, words and thoughts and then move on to become independent of validation of another. Listen to your inner voice, it leads and comforts like no other.

9. Let noise be your screen and defense and then visit the silence of your spirit, never to return to the din for here lays your integrity.

10. Let you treat yourself harshly. This is a hard one to see. Cause it’s too close for comfort. Sometimes a lifetime passes before you can see, believe and act in your interest. Don’t let that be the case with you. Treating yourself with love, care and respect is the key to doing the same for others.

Love always,

Joscelyn

THE LIFE OF A MEMORY

2010-08-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

My memory serves me…………………..

I am a little girl. I am 6 years old maybe a

little older. I have six older siblings and

one younger sister. I have a few sketchy

memories of this little girl. And some are

etched clearer in my heart than in my mind.

I remember

Looking through the slits of my closed eyes

at my father putting on his trousers

hurriedly but yet in the same unique way he

always did.

He thrust his right foot into the trouser leg,

it was always his right leg first and then the

left.

While doing so he held the left pant leg

up against the waistband of the pant.

Two fingers deftly holding it ready to be gone, to

swing down in unison with his left leg going

into it.

My eyes shift I can see the bed up against

the wall. I lay still.

Several voices I heard calling my name in

octaves higher each time.

My eyes shut I lay. Off went my eldest sister

and father to call the doctor I was told later.

Was I dead? No, I was not. But why did I

not get up to the call to go for early

morning mass?

Was I not willing to go to church?

No, I don’t remember, going to church

being distasteful at that age. I was

too young and too obedient to make such a

choice.

Then what was it? As I remember it…..I

was called to get up I did not….what

followed was rapid and on the spot ….all

hell broke loose as I did not wake up and

apparently I looked dead to the onlookers.

But for me I just went with the flow after

the initial 2 seconds it was not in my hands

anymore. Maybe I wanted the attention? I

like to think not, but whatever!

What followed was a stunning ruffle from

my scared and angry mother and what

seemed never ending was a steady,

unrelenting, painful teasing by my siblings

which mortified me and ALWAYS had me

dissolve in tears.

I was the Great Pretender. They sang the song of that

title“O OH O OH Yes, I AM A GREAT

PRETENDER………

that line was enough for the sob to begin.

At last, now it does no more. I have grown

up!

As I said my memory serves me. Maybe you

won’t remember it like my memory serves.......

So …….Ha ha! Keep Smiling!

Love always

Joscelyn

Eight things to do when you Succeed or When you go down.

2010-08-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

1. Do not let others do for you what you can do for yourself.
How to begin is always the dilemma. The rest is really a piece of cake.

2. LiFe HaPPenEd and conditions apply. Recoil in the face of a blow for moments enough to review and regroup. In addition keep kindness near at hand. Life happens it is meant to.

3. Keep promises. It’s hard in both conditions and is the defining reason for faith being unbroken or cleaned out. Be the ray of decency which defines reality.

4. Prompt and systematize the way to move ahead constructively and bear in mind time tells and by no means tattles.

5. Maintain focus on the details. But keep your eyes forever on the larger picture. The whole to be seen will require you to step back once in a while, from the thick of things.

6. Return refreshed in mind and intend. The number of breaks determines the quality and the quantity of effects to come.

7. Keep effort constant and expect it to take a while to get better and to get going. There are always good days bookending bad days and vice versa.

8. Laugh and smile it’s the stuff genius is made of. It is the most potent in times when you think it’s most unlikely.

Love Always,
Joscelyn

LOVE RESIDES

2010-08-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

It’s natural to miss those you love and it’s likely you’ll have extreme dislike for persons who or circumstances which you THINK take them away from you.

A WELL OF LOVE RESIDES WITHIN

It takes all my strength to keep my negative thoughts and feelings at the same intensity level over a period of time.

Automatically, after the initial shock and resulting feelings so distasteful and horrible in creeps the doubt that may be this is not the path for me.

Latched on to that doubt in comes an affirmative vibe from a modest thought.

Leading me swiftly from the pits of disapproval to the heights of belief where serenity reigns.

I open the doors and receive for I get my high from feeling good in my skin.

CHOOSE THE PATH OF KINDNESS

Imagination is a versatile passion to have.
It opens doors and lets one fly in territories limited only by one’s thoughts.

Breathtaking isn’t it? Those with an imagination create solutions and are so never without hope.

Problems and hurdles are mere rungs of the ladder used to effect change and put into perspective the world and times we live in.

Imagine a kind word as a balm soothing one’s feelings and harnessing ones emotions to supply for the need and requirement of that time.

Empathy is a powerful instrument to give hope in word, deed and action.
Do not do what another should do for oneself; rather help one help one self.

Instead, teach a method, enhance a skill, kindle a latent flame of creativity, show the torch in the direction of inner strength, and walk along with only till steps steady.
Then step back. Remove ego from all equations involving giving.

It is not you that gives but rather you are blessed to be able to give.
Only the blessed have the opportunity to give. In fact you show them the power they have and watch them grow.

Watch from afar without the colour of the desire to be recognized and praised.

Bighearted is actually just a liberal and understanding line of thinking.

Love always
Joscelyn

Understanding "UNDERSTAND"

2010-06-26T05:06:00.001-07:00

You got to be acquainted with the proposal that it launches through

U yes, YOU precious, astonishing and beautiful you!

Not that it comes with the promise to be always easy to admit or appreciate.

Don’t let that bother you. You can never tell how and when or where a door will swing open to help you to contract a sprig of compassion for something far beyond your capacity to agree with.

Evolving you must know takes time, patience and with well placed energy the sky is the limit. Requiring you to take a stand, retire the sit and walk the talk. Healthy thoughts bring with it the abundance of the universe.

Revisit the days when pleasure of meeting and visiting and being in the company of family and friends ruled life and nothing else mattered. What lies in your hands is alone powerful. The rest are only dust particles floating by.

Scrambling one moment and then almost suddenly it will seem to an outsider eye you reach, receive and rise from the ashes but you will know what went into the whole deal and you will rejoice.

Totally awesome acceptance rules and brings with it the relief from control which packs and whacks the inner being if you so let it. The storm subsides and seems tangible that the breeze blowing is for you alone.

Acknowledge and necessitate the need for preparation on a larger scale of consciousness, in a broadened base of actions and the unlimited scope of thoughts which heal, mend and revive come into a welcoming existence.

Never unaccompanied are thoughts so let your spirit soar to the height of heights in them. It is here that the seeds of reality flourish in availability, unhindered and unreserved from fear.

Dodge the bullets in the form of cutting words and slicing deeds. Dwell on the root reason and deal out no sentence for what only the eye can see. Let the dimension other than your own opinion tell a tale and strike a chord. As growth and peace, they need well rounded and fully fledged dimensions to exist.

Love always

Joscelyn

2010-06-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

THE LANGUAGE OF ACTIONS

2010-06-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

Events have taught me that altering habits improve behaviour.

But this kind of change is not long lasting.

I learned lasting change only comes from journeying deeper into your beliefs.

For in simple but deep rooted beliefs lay the reasons for habits leading to behaviour.

Beliefs and fears live in the same house. Fear driven habits and behavior are the root causes of many a lovely life being stunted.

If your belief is that you deserve the best you will always explore the right route to succeed.

Watch out for these syndromes.

All are very common maladies and curable.

Treated leads to peace and comfort.

Zombie Race Syndrome: “Everyone thinks like me”

No, the nearest you’ll get sometimes is like mindedness.

The World Twirls On My Axis Syndrome: “If I don’t do it, it will never be done”

Oh, yes it will get done and a tad quicker and better at times.

It’s Me So It’s OK Syndrome: “It’s ok because ____ deserved it”

“If only

“But I was

Me Upright Syndrome: ‘I would never do a thing like that’

‘How could she/he do such a thing’

Oh, Yes you would given half a chance.

Rigid is Best Syndrome- “My way or the highway”

No, there are many different ways more creative, more enjoyable and great fun.

Supreme Manager Syndrome: “I am in control” Look closely, the wheels are

not emotionally involved. Trying to have power over what is not yours to

control is the most futile and exhausting task in the universe.

People do hurt you but not as much as your expectations of them do.

Since pain has a powerful memory. Lessons once learned will never be forgotten.

So that makes pain a good teacher.

I believe oppressive pain comes from perception and expectations.

I believe people are usually doing the best they can. It is not always about you.

I believe God does not create the downs of life but He gives the strength to endure and succeed.

I believe the joy of being there in someone’s need, of sharing, of giving is not talked about or celebrated as much as it should be.

This belief I do not want to change and that is my belief in the goodness of human beings.

I have enjoyed time and time again this nectar of human decency. It makes life so worth its while. I recall.

I remember and treasure these experiences and bless them all for keeping my faith and belief with their actions.

Yes, actions alone speak. Period.

Love always

Joscelyn

Ek Din Tum - Sachin & Ranjeeta - Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se

2010-06-05T02:54:00.000-07:00

YELLOW, MYFIRST RIDE!

2010-06-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

I am gifted my life and living it is my

birthright.

In the early days of life happily playing

non-stop at best I plotted and planned

games with my sisters and the

neighborhood kids.

It was striking those days when eating

and sleeping delightfully fell into place,

no outlook needed.

Riding my tricycle I do not remember but

what I do live with is the sublime

memory of my lovely Yellow three

wheeled scooter.

You know the one now made famous

with Hiritik Roshan setting his foot on it.

Yes his ride in ‘Koi Mil Gaya’ that’s the

one!

{For those who don’t know Hiritik. He is

the sizzling Indian movie star of today}

I witness my left foot on the ground the

handle confidently gripped. The right

foot right-angled to the elegant straight

front extensions firm in the panel that

served as foot rest.

Mind full of anticipation and my eyes

after that only see the path ahead.

Leaning forward I’d push forward quite

gently.

That was the happiest moment in the

history of happiness I was moving.

Next incessantly the left foot would do its

job of striking the ground at just the right

angle at just the right time to keep me

moving faster and faster.

At that moment the left foot would then

obtain its honored place behind the right

foot on the foot rest. It takes its spot

quite naturally at 35 degree angle to the

right foot.

Quite simply done!

Upright I would be gliding; maneuvering

the handle came naturally to me. So

sometimes throwing one arm to

the wind I’d sail …..

I felt the air against my face, mostly hot

for all of this activity would take place in

the early evenings of the hot summer

days.

Sweat trickled down my back, shone on

my face, waltzing down my hairline.

I did not mind sweat then as I do now.

The fringe on my forehead parted ways

on every ride I took.

I did not mind it then surprisingly

I do not mind it now.

Tall slim rounded bars growing endlessly

from the bottom plate held the two iron

springs that apprehended the handle

to the lone wheel in front.

These were strong as they were ugly.

Many times I would try to wiggle my

fingers between them to clean them of

the dust or a gone astray pebble.

When firm they held they place refusing

to budge. So when I washed and cleaned

my Yellow the springs looked quite the

nasty rebels.

The church compound and the CI club

grounds were so large

in my mind’s eye I thought mother let me

go out in the world when I rode there.

But the largest part of riding took place

in the Kale Bhavan Garage.

Which I must mention here I thought

was part of our home for longer than I

can remember. Its tarred road was ideal

for my escapades on Yellow.

I would go up and down the

road with not a gasp of breath to

spare as I turned and hurtled down the

way again.

The tall looming identical slopes that

took the cars up to the no road strips of

platform were my danger zone. Yes this

would get my breath racing as fear

whispered just before I’ d leave the safety

of the platform to hurtle down those

mean slope at speeds that landed me a

fall more than once.

But I’d do it every now and again to win

some and lose some.

Tears dried well before I reached home.

The two back wheels looked meek and

humble awaiting my bidding to roll and

rumble.

But let me carve up with you

how vicious a fiend it would be.

When in motion if for some

reason my left foot came too near it.

It scrapped the skin off

my ankle bone and looked on

unfeelingly as blood left my wound.

The nut and bolt at all times looked cruel

through my tears.

Nevertheless love my Yellow I did!

Mum would put dettol on the damage

and I would squirm

but as the sting subsided my mind would

already be in travel mode.

Yellow had a factor that made it easy

enough to slip under my bed. Somewhere

just near the front wheel were

insignificant two claw like clutches.

You had to pull hard

and fast outwards and then let go.

Moving your precious

digits away quicker than silver was

essential.

For then the handle collapsed on to the

foot rest the handle bars nestled between

the back grumpy wheels confidently.

With one swift shove I would trust it

under the bed for safe keeping. As well as

it was in easy vision for me, all it

required was to hoist the bed sheet an

inch to see Yellow sleep his metal sleep.

Some may remember it red but I know it

was always Yellow.

And my fascination with driving remains

till today.

Love always

Joscelyn

THE TRUTH BE TOLD

2010-05-27T11:27:00.000-07:00

We are not destined to be loved by all.

We are not designed to be happy all the time.

We are not preordained to be successful with every try.

We are not fated to be right in everything we do.

Every situation will not be for our advantage, but our

attitude can be beneficial every time.

Every person will not speak well of us, nonetheless some will

at all times.

Everyone will not hate us, although a number will.

All will not love us despite the fact that a few may possibly.

It’s tiresome to have an opinion about everything however

trade for nothing the ones valued close to your spirit.

It’s learning time when your point of view is not acceptable

and your way is not the one trod on.

It’s time to make a difference in your life with thoughts,

words and deeds which heal and unite.

It’s here now carry out everything to lose it not to the option

which comes too late.

I am, accordingly I be in this world.

I am and I live to tell the tale.

I am and this too shall pass.

Move on says the stars who root for me in heaven!

I am!

Love always

Joscelyn

LOVE CAN BE THE VISION.

2010-05-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a day when discord was just a byproduct of music. Agreements followed the creative law of accepting disagreements without reservation, as facts. And love was experienced as love.

Love is love; it cannot be qualified in the realm of being untrue. Love does not exist in the wrong.

If you need to question if it’s true or untrue then know it’s not love.

Intention and motive can be untrue.

Not love.

Love is just love. It needs no qualifying adjective.

Love is love.

It lets you be the real you.

It does not judge.

Its stands by you in the U turn of life.

It puts you before self.

It understands and empathizes.

In love, hopes lives unflinching.

It never slanders.

It does not distrust when tough times visit.

Your happiness is the vessel in which it is enclosed.

It books no blame, knowing that blame is a tough cookie; which neither crumbles nor tastes good, ever!

Love is just love.

It craves no qualification or categorization.

It looks for no title or medal.

It seeks only peace for the loved one and rests its dreams there.

I saw a vision of love and Today, I lived completely.

Love always

Joscelyn

FEAR! MY CHAMPION. MY FRIEND.

2010-05-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

Harrowing emotional days popped up every other day.

I should stop.

Many painful physical conditions challenged me sometimes morning, sometimes night.

I could stop.

Fear gripped the mental faculty on seldom occasions but the time it did it left me horrified.

I can stop.

But sanity reigned with a conscience choice

to think differently and

do things in my own way that being

one step at a time,

one day at a time.

Each day I dressed up and showed up for 20 days.

By the goodness of God ….

TODAY I AM a HOLDER OF AN INTERNATIONAL DRIVING LICENCE.

Just 6 months short of my lucky birthday 55/55.

2010 is my kind of year.

Challenging situations and full of ups and downs is a life worth living.

I realized as the day unfolds and things happen and

if I slow down I can see that

every situation is a way to find out who I am.

If things are going my way how does that make me feel,

how do I react and

what is my behavior in such an environment.

What is my personality when mud wheels turn

spitting its delights with no concern

for me or my sensibilities and sensitivities?

How does the moment tick when I am blamed for something I did not do?

What is my mind gripped with at a time like this?

Life talks, life lives, life is present always,

but am I present in the present?

Open your mind to the wonders of what life has to offer

and let it impact your life and affect your thinking.

Years ago I took to heart the saying “Do it afraid”.

It was a great step forward to know that

you don’t have to be brave first and act later.

Everything does not have to be right before

you endeavor or embark on a project.

You just have to do it !

I did!

Yes, I am on my feet.

It’s true you heard right fear can be zapped right out of existence.

Here is how you can do it.

Make fear your friend when it knocks asks questions…

Be persistent if it’s persistent.

Don’t back down…stare it in the eye.

Don’t blink.

You are in charge, do not freeze or it will lead you by the nose.

Fear, is my Champion, my friend when I ……..

F…..Follow my belief

E…..Enact my faith

A…..Accept and dwell in the

R…..Righteousness of God

Love always

Joscelyn

HOW TO 'PLAY SPOILSPORT' WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN

2010-05-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Go ahead and Trust yet again

Laugh another time and yet again

Be at peace once more.

Let nothing tamper with that.

Feel guided for a second time and

let the counting begin.

Recognize you are watched over for all time

Identify you are held in high esteem

Discern you are adored at all times

and in these times more specially

Make great stuff happen

Make more great things happen

Change lives. You changed your own life.

Move mountains and do the impossible

Scared, you will overcome

Knocked down, breathless with shock and disbelief, Know you will rise

Lost? Only to find you are actually at

the threshold of creativity, love and fun.

Do; stay humble amid all this glory!

You have done it before you can do it again!

Spoil the plan of negativity with these steps ……..

There, you are now the

most delightful

and crazy

and lovely spoilsport

to the

era of fear and negativity.

Love always

Joscelyn

A PRAYER BY A KNUCKLE HEAD!

2010-05-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Forgive me Lord for the times I do,

but I know not what I am doing.

Be patient with me Lord when

I forget to do what I need to be doing.

Don’t give up on me Lord when

you find me wandering and wondering what to do.

Grace my thoughts now, before that

vacant sign goes up in my eyes.

Shower me with blessings when a drought of ideas floods my mind and threatens to over whelm.

Grant me the peace to know when

it’s going to pieces and when

it’s time to pick up the pieces.

Remind me to laugh again once

the pain subsides and I catch my breath.

Stay by my side as I shave a sliver of life

and try to do better than my best.

Step on the slow motion button if

I trip or stumble and fumble for

want of affirmative thinking.

Yes that’s it Lord,

I can’t think of anything more I can let you do for me.

Amen

“You were on a roll why did you stop….. Knuckle head!”

You said it.

Maybe,I am the Knuckle head!

Love always

Joscelyn

My Realistic Goals – as easy as ABC

2010-05-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Appreciate a teacher. Accept the weather.

Bounce back. Beckon all possibilities.

Cultivate the positive. Call on forward thinking.

Do yourself a favor. Dive into creativity.

Expect change. Exist in today.

Foster good practices. Feel the energy of progress.

Give yourself a break. Go have some fun.

Have kindness in the till always. Hold on to genuineness.

Increase your faith. Imbibe hope in shuttered eyes.

Jump for joy. Jig whenever you want.

Kid around. Keep peace near.

Leave something’s unsaid. Long for nothing.

Make a child smile. Make parents partners in their children’s education.

Never delay a good action. Note what makes you happy.

Open your mind to another perspective. Offer only the viable.

Pull a bunny from a hat. Practice patience & persistent

Quiet the rumble of self doubt. Queue up constructive action.

Return a Smile. Reverse a frown.

Signal negative thoughts to disperse. Savor healthy ones.

Thank your sadness. Take time to laugh.

Unfold the layers of your personality. Uncover your eyes to bliss.

Voice your love. Vote for peace.

When the tick in your heart yells now know it is the time. Wake up to contentment.

X-ray your intentions. X out the mistaken.

Yellow is also a colour. Yell for help, its ok.

Zigzag into peace. Zing it to last.

Go for it!

Love always

Joscelyn

SWIRL, SWISH & WHOOSH!

2010-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Its 9:15pm Wednesday 14^th April’2010. The room is dark. The air is comfortably cool. The hum in my head slightly louder than what I am used to. The ache between my eyebrows I wish wasn’t there.

I am lying on the flat of my back almost in the middle of my double bed. You will be wondering why in the middle? On my bed I have a spring mattress said to be a good from a medical point of view. So I was told when the shopping and purchasing of the said mattress was done.

Anyway as with all things that I buy I read the literature that comes along with it once and cover to cover. So I did the same here too. It gave me the whole lowdown and it has nicely tailored on to the side and top the month which side needs to be up and when it needed down etc. I found it extremely delightful and helpful too. So this means this mattress would be my long term companion if I used it as instructed. So the use of the mattress began.

Now here is the twister. Double bed = two people. But here I was the single user. So a few weeks into using it I came up with the brilliant idea of sleeping in the middle. Now don’t ask my why or how this was going to help me save and protect my handsome mattress. I have no answer for you as I still am asking myself that question. I seemed to have a good enough reason at the time but not now.

So having said that let’s get on with it. Did I mention that on the flat of my back went hand in hand with no pillow under my head? I have a reason for that. You see I was having unbearable pain originating from a hidden source but terminating in my right upper arm, sometimes migrating to just short of my shoulder. It was a two stop train and boy it was 24x7. So I listened to a good soul who told me to not use a pillow. I listen. I did. I slept that way for nearly a fortnight. Now I know that, that was the killer choice.

On this fateful night with the nagging ache in my head I tossed and turned for a while. Thinking I should get relief if I used some balm. Now here ‘I should have never done that’ bit should rightly appear but I did. I wriggled on my back using my good arm as leverage. I was swift to put it mildly.

I was at the edge of the bed I reached across with my good arm for the treasure, the balm container. I heard a howl of pain it was coming from my mouth. And the room took a dive to the left and then right. SWIRL, SWISH & WHOOSH!

My room, my home all over the place and it was positively not holding still. I hastily lay on my back releasing the pressure I was putting on my poor aching arm. I tried to get my eyes to focus but the swirling was relentless.

Who had shifted my bed and put it into the deep blue rough sea? The weather report was without doubt not good. With deep breathes I tried to calm my pounding heart. The pitch darkness was enemy number one as it lent itself to the million of things which could be happening to me with no one the wiser.

Breathe was my command to myself. Feel it in your lungs. Let it out long and noisily. Come on girl, think. Now’s not a good time to ask me to think when I could feel the soles of my feet tingle. And the point of pitch darkness was suffocating me.

I willed myself up and with a mighty trust of ‘all is well’ I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The voice that met my ears was mine no one else was in the room but in a million years I would not recognize it if you played it back on tape for me. No! Wait! What! Oh my Gosh! Words strung together on a thread of pain linking and making it a private cesspool---- SWIRL, SWISH & WHOOSH!

The horror of the darkness loomed and the sane part of me reached for the switch of the bedside lamp…The pain and the confusion joined hands but I won the light was on. I swayed back onto the bed worn out, shattered and my heart pounded. You are alone what are you going to do? It asked.

‘Do, you want me to do something more? I want to just breathe if you want to do something contrary you are most welcome but be it on your own time. Now all pumps on deck…breathe in from the nose cool air let it twirl and expand the corners of my lungs. Breathe out from the mouth, pucker those lips dear and feel the slightly warm air pass through them.

Look around and take each thing you see as if you are seeing it for the first time. Focus and devour.’ Yes that’s it. The tingling in my feet was beginning to subside. What about the pain in my arm? It’s there making its presence felt with every drawn breath. What about the swirling wind? It’s there but it’s less noisy. My neck ached more than ever from trying not to move my head even an inch. No. now that I could not allow for I refused to be visited by SWIRL, SWISH & WHOOSH!

Have any ideas heart? I asked. ‘No,’ was the feeble replying “You the boss”. Tick tock tick tock….time waits for no man. I am so glad it does not. I knew, if nothing else that with time I would feel better. ‘Ok, then lets regroup. Heart no pounding, remember who the boss is. Ok, I now need outside assistance surely. ‘How?’ said heart. ‘Easy’ said I. ‘I’ll make a call from my cell isn’t that wonderful’.

But heart was undone with this suggestion. ‘OOOOOOOOOOOOOO’ emitted from my lips as pound, dollar, dime, and nickel beat my poor nervous heart. How are you going to reach for the phone it’s near the bedside lamp and reaching it meant pain, pure unearthly pain? ‘That’s ok .It will be for just a second.’I explained to heart ‘No pain No gain’… pound, dollar, dime and nickel ‘ooooooooooooooooo ok’, agreed heart. Right, all courage on board….slowly eyes right! SWIRL, SWISH & WOOSH! Came visiting.

Ok that’s not strategy. My eyes had now seen where the cell phone was so I would have to reach for it without asking Eyes to look anywhere but straight ahead. Here, we go 1, 2, and 3 reaching wildly but with a strange precision “I GOT IT “I told the room aloud “I got it.” Pain in my arm I choose not to let register. I clutched the cell close to my heart. ‘Here it’s our way to get help I comforted heart. The cell lent a weight of its own, a comforting sort of weight as it lay on my chest.

‘Clam down heart and get on with some prayers while I call for help’. ‘Ok eyes focus’, I read the time 10:35pm. Scroll call log…Cleeta a young teacher from junior school living in the building in front of mine. Closest, no debate she wins hands down because of geography. Thankfully she was also a kindly helpful soul that was the ray of light in the otherwise darkened horizon. That call goes through and as I ask and receive help heart beats at a constant restful rhythm but the hollow feeling remains.

Cleeta talks me through the motions to get up.

Swirl, swish and whoosh are little kids doing my bidding subsiding as if tired and disinterested and as I come down the now endless corridor. How I love those close walls which are easy to reach and supportive to touch. As I open the door to let her in I feel better. Alex, her husband and her son are with her. They took me to the ER and were with me till 2am.

Now don’t ask me what happened in the ER. You will just have to wait for another day for that. But suffice to say with caring, helpful people like Cleeta and family pain, confusion and trauma had to take a back seat.

Love always

Joscelyn

DAILY DELIGHTS

2010-04-10T00:58:00.000-07:00

A little one pushes with both tiny hands the door of my office.

The door budges a couple of inches and closes shut.

No sound or movement I detect for a couple of seconds I was half way out of my chair when the door moved an inch again.

I stood up and the door opened and in came tumbling the owner of the hands that never gave up. I was impressed.

“Good Morning Supervisor Ma’am” said little Benjamin giving me a beaming smile.

“Good Morning Dear, How can I help you?”

“I like your office” said the admirer looking around.

“Oh, do you now! Well, thank you.”I said hardly knowing what to expect next.

“I want to see my class?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Your class?” I asked perplexed. Knowing that Benjamin has been with us over 6 months and surely knew where his classroom was located.

“Tell me the name of your class?” I ventured.

“R2G”, pat came the reply.

I was glad he knew the name of his class.

Ok, let’s go and I will show you your class."

“There, my class is here, he said pointing to the notice board on which Class Teachers had contributed in handcraft the name of their respective class along with a photograph of them self.

With that he clamored on to the sofa in front of the board on his knees and reached to touch the Bee that held the name of his class.

“Where is my teacher?” he murmured. By now I was clued on and watched him look about on the board.

Smartly, he shouted, “Here here!” I had no need to even point her out for him. Then without further ado he got on to his feet waved a ‘bye bye’ to me and left.

He had me smiling as I experienced his confidence and I am grateful I did.

Love Always

Joscelyn

BRICKS AND LACE

2010-04-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

Good intentions are free and invigorating. Executing the good intention is tough and long-term. The feel good factor of intentions fades when the implementation begins. What stares you in the face is discomfort of darkness as hard work beckons and silence deafens as your ego stops talking to you. You are on your own. Now reality bites and only the tough get going the rest make excuses for themselves or blame others both are time consuming activities and gets one back on the table of good intentions feeling free and invigorating once again. So you see it’s quite a short journey around the block if you are the talker and not the doer.

Think big is the message flashing in my head. The signals I see says ‘THINK BIG’. If through life you own voice has been your mean critic. It’s been your stumbling block, every now and again. Then now is the time to transform all that. Thinking Big comes from knowing how to dream in Technicolor. Can you visualize your dream with open eyes? Can you see your dream in the day? Can you see your dream when it’s dark or even when your hut is on fire? Can you see an opportunity in what others term as a disaster? If yes, then yes you are a big thinker. But then a big doer is another thing altogether.

Mostly its bricks of kindness and thoughtfulness and help and care of generous, good souls that paved the way as I built my being as I am. Expressed thanks I have, shown appreciation, it will never be enough. All such effort and generosity I make green with my attitude. I received as a bequest, without thinking of consequences. I now must give with my life, without worrying about the cost.

I will fashion words which do not hurt, mortify and scar when I speak to others or to myself. The piercing word which injures and maims and holds to ransom sweet existence is to be over and done as it eradicates the bitterness that sours cream even if it’s in ones imagination.

I see myself clearer than even before. I am weaker than you thought. I am more selfish than I knew among other things. Jaded is my bowled over and fall down attitude. I know now what I have to do but will I have the courage to go the long way it takes me or will I fall down and play dead. Time will tell.

Love always,

Joscelyn

MY DAUGHTER JANELLE THROUGH MY EYES

2010-03-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

IT MAY SEEM FRUITLESS BUT ITS FINE.

2010-03-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

The time will come for it to be seen as all over and done with. But till then I am alive and I will live to the best of my ability. When laughter visits less often and fear is more likely a companion, I seek to lift myself out and go the extra mile to recover and refuse to give up.

Life has come full circle. I am back in my childhood surrounded by little children in the kindergarten. I am single minded the way I like to be. My reservations have melted and I am home. I am happy and it comes from the contentment of a job well done for today. Tomorrow will I cherish today as a memory or will I want to erase it from my existence? This I make my motivation to do or not to do, to say or not to say! Regrets I have a few, I live with them till I can make amends. Till then…..

As challenges beckon I am willing. As fear surfaces I acknowledge it as the scar I have to live with and will not let it become a road block to where I want to be.

Opportunities abound. Is it I see more clearly because of a cultivated attitude or is this just the fallout of age and maturity? I ask? Words thrive in my fertile imagination of a learner, teacher, leader and doubter that I am. It is my endeavor to be careful and work towards not hurting anyone intentionally or otherwise. It’s my mission to live each day hence forth with an inclusive but a non interfering vision. To live and let live is a freeing experience.

Love always,

Joscelyn Marcedo-Fernandes

Walk Don't Run

2010-03-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

The corridors and halls of schools world over are visited at some time or the other with these callouts.
"WALK DON'T RUN" or " NO RUNNING IN THE CORRIDORS"

Safety is the prime concern in every adult's vision. Who operate from the premise, "prevention is better than cure". So all effort is make to stop what may occur.

Sometimes an indignant voice pitches an octave near earth shattering degree when it yells, "How many times have I told you not to run on the corridors?" you'd be luck if the little one waits to answer you on that one. If you do catch the erring one you will be amazed at the incredulous expression of a big question mark on the countenance. "From where did you appear?" it asks.

I had a stroke of genius when I asked a speeding tornado wrapped up in this little one.
"Why are you running?" I called out. Without reducing his speed or direction I heard him say as he disappeared into his class at the end of the corridor, "To come first". I have thus stopped 'asking questions' at this most volatile time when children have but one mission, of reaching point B from point A at top speed.

However, the safety of children still remains our prime concern. So we have to work around the mind set of the child to reach in and say it in the way which makes sense to them. The first step would be to make children aware of the dangers of hurting themselves and others. This is apporached in a story telling session, roping in how traffic rules are obeyed by parents for the same reasons. A role play of obeying rules in school is set up a few days later. Seeing the scenario unfold may strike a chord as visual usually do. Next a specially prepared presentation of reminder signals is shown in all classes. This is equally colourful and interesting. With this we make them familiar with what is expected of them when they see the signal. Lastly, on the corridor walls we put up these specially made signals at the eye level of the child, at strategic points. These bright and colourful indicators say 'WALK'.

I am now in 'walk' mode with this project and will not expect speedy results but will surely expect the long term outcome to be in the interest and safety of the child.

Love always
Joscelyn Fernandes
OOEHS, Kindergarten Supervisor.

The J when GREEN

2010-01-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

The year is 2010 the day Sunday and the date 3^rd Jan I walk into the parlor. I’d treat myself to a relaxing day at the spa that was my intention.

The objective was before me but what should I do about the slight heaviness that lay cradled in my chest. Close to the heart was it? Or was it in touch with the part of me that still tended to hold a gulp of air. Was the feeling in my lungs?

My eyes shut my thoughts hover. What is this feeling holding me hostage? Though visiting less frequently these days it was not dead. Which circumstances or persons were triggers? I gently called the feeling.

It sat before me head bent resting on my knees. Cradled in its arms was my head. Alone! I do not look up. Why? What is it that I am missing? What is this feeling?

Jealousy!

Incredible, but true I am envious of those who take my place giving emotional support to my loved ones. I so desire that I’d be the one to be relied and turned too in times of joy and sorrow. It’s a painful moment as I look at my feelings face to face.

When one does not see love and pain in my separation I take exception to that. Desirous am I to be understood by near and dear ones in these times. Here I choose to stop the roller coaster of self-pity and get off. The sensation subsides and balanced emotion visits. I welcome it!

I like the slow approach in my thinking and a feeling of superior contentment clears my being. How spot on it was going to turn out to be I could see for real as a wave of peace sweeps over me.

Simplicity in my feelings I found when I remembered what it was I really want. Protective I will be of my kin today and always.

It is never too late to begin to face what makes you holds your breath. I began. I am 54 years of age.

Love always

Joscelyn

Lucky 2010, I am alive.

2009-12-31T04:07:00.000-08:00

Life is living. To remain intact during the ups and downs of life, to filter and decide what is good for me and what is not. Instinct harnessed, skills and abilities enhanced are the wheels of being. Life is a journey as exciting or tedious as I want it to be!

Life is now. Have put aside negative crippling thoughts and gaze at the positive possibilities as a natural choice of a grateful heart. Heartache lasts as long as it is fed. I Believe ‘This too shall pass.’ And it does!

Life is full. With what I fill it is my choice. No matter the odds. There is always a choice to be made and consequences to abide. I choose to change what I can in myself and welcome abundance into my life.

Life is attitude. Said goodbye to martyrdom and bid farewell to the restricting ‘never’ and continuous ‘fear’ as I acknowledge the gifts life is offering. The ‘angry monster’ I shooed out of my thoughts and welcomed feelings of joy and gratitude.

Life is what I say it is. I watch what words are coming out of my mouth. Be alert as thoughts become effects. Speak and receive it then. Actions should coincide with desired outcomes. It is as simple or as complicated as I want it to be.

I am living and I am learning!

WELCOME 2010! It is my kind of year! Full of possibilities to laugh heartier, love always, act freer, take less, give more, fret never & help evermore.

LOVE ALWAYS,

JOSCELYN

WELCOME 2010!

2009-12-31T01:37:00.000-08:00

By My Defination...

2009-12-17T00:12:00.000-08:00

Christmas DAYS and NEW Year Resolutions

I will be me. It’s a good day when I am challenged to be myself in spite of another’s words and behavior making a smile, the glow of peace. I will tell of the efforts of children. I imagine a tragedy it will be, the day I am at a loss of words to praise another human beings endeavor, be it a child or adult.

I will listen in compassion and empathy to another’s woes thus affording openhanded pearls of dignity. To me a tear is the flowing pearl of human heartache. Consolation is found in a hands-off ear. Listen but bridle that tongue in respect. ‘Told you so’ hurts as deeply as a lackadaisical attitude.

I will seek and attract humor. A hearty laugh is the acceptance of human folly. Life lurks in the soft folds of a giggle. I will never grow too old to express amusement. I will steer clear of pettiness. Energy sapping and a waste of time are to put the result of that activity mildly. As the puddle told the splash, “I have more depth than you.” I turned the corner giggling.

I will rediscover and reunite with thoughts, persons and places of good-will. A silence is the depth of love at the source of all human feelings. I will look for the soul in events and embrace life in joy and gratitude. There is always at least two ways of looking at happenings. Timing is relevant as long as it is motivating.

I will make each day count as I take steps each day to reach for and develop my dreams. A delay is a time to think in a different way. Act in a different way. Step out of my comfort zone. Do whatever it takes. Ever hopeful I go the distance for today.

I will be eager to write and create. I will make concrete my ideas. Persistent is my resolve to set off the sequence in realization of all my dreams. Impatience is the colour of human undoing which I will not befriend.

I face the reality of my life with fortitude and courage. I will build on what I have with delight. I challenge my reasoning to be cool, calm and collected. I will breathe out heartily. A sigh is the signal of consent to allow hindering and harming thoughts to exit from your rational makeup.

LOVE ALWAYS,

JOSCELYN

You have a home in me Mother of Mine.

2009-12-09T02:40:00.000-08:00

An Acknowledgment

“MOTHER,

You have a home in me.

I love you”

To hug and kiss you was my joy.

Cuddle and play rough too.

When a sneaky me tousled your hair and daddy’s too. It delighted me no end.

I felt so secure and true with the both of you.

Over the years I was your constant shadow for the weekly trips to the ‘Tuesday-market’. The fish you’d select and then pay the price from your little purse. Your care and courtesy to the vendor stays with me.

Your calculations so fine you always made sure we had a bit left over to ride the rickshaw the week the bags were heavy. You’re prioritizing and organizing stays with me.

Otherwise we’d walk through the Polytechnic College. You’d talk to me. I’d listen to your voice more than your words. I could sense how brave, committed and dedicated you were to your motherhood and your family, which stays with me.

“Planning and management was so natural to you. You dreamed a dream for each of your eight children. Each choice you made was so special to each one’s unique ability. You walked the extra mile, never flinching. A necessity then and is today ever more so.

Your efficiency and effectiveness stays with me.

Marketing at Gaddigudam’ meant wheat and rice and garam masala. Christmas time meant dried fruit too.

I’d quickly take my place on the little stool in front of the ‘Bhaniya’. In a flash a little bowl would be placed in front of me containing a couple of cashew nuts. Those days were special when the cinnamon stick appeared I’d pop it right into my mouth. The sweet hot taste reminds me of you even today, it stays with me.

Hours went into cleaning the grain. I admired your skill with the ‘supra’. As chaff separated from the wheat my wonder knew no bounds. The rhythm stays with me.

Chakki came next I went into that dusty flour filled air so proud that I was in charge. Secretly I imitated your way when I told him how it was to be done. Your command stays with me.

My slice of baath cake I liked hot out of the oven. You let me have it that way.

I remember being the self appointed custard pan-licker. My pouts were enough to deter any contender.

I nominate myself as the Best Stealer' of powder milk, jaggery and raw mango.

You knew but you overlooked. Your kindness not perceived by many stays with me.

"Turn to me” was my refrain as soon as you turned to your other side. I lived in happiness that you were mine.

"You love me back”, mama you said to me. It puzzled me then as it does now. How could it be any other way? I marvel!

You taught me everything I know without a spoken lecture or a word. I observed and felt your essence as a person and learned the art of being human to perfection. You stay with me.

You recognize me; how I like to bear in mind and dwell only on the good. You distinguish why I ignore the nasty. I am sorry for any unnecessary troubles I may have caused you, as a result of me being me. And for not being able to save the home you made with love and creativity.

I say in all humility I had a mother who loved me. Not only did you Mother accomplish the herculean task of raising 8 children with elegance and flair. You made it look easy.

Thank you Mummy.

You live on in all that I am and in what we your eight children do and are. These are a few reminiscences which are just the tip of a volcano of love I have for you!

You have a home in me now and always!

REST IN PEACE

My Mother you are my teacher, my channel and coach. Thank you for being my Mother.

love always,

Joscelyn