THE WINDOW

I sense I am in a boat which is hurtling down the rough & irregular slope of life. I say ‘boat on a hill’ to illustrate the peculiarity. That’s how irrational my life was. Nothing was effective. And I was not asking for help. I supposed I could or rather just have to go it all by myself.

In the deep recesses of my mind I knew there had to be a better way. But I had no idea what it was. My method ended fruitless and futile were my efforts to live a happy life. I was ever so busy in the little things of life and unaware that a power higher and all powerful who knows all things was watching over me as always. It was graces that lead me to an Al-Anon meeting. It was here that I developed an eye to see God and find myself. My relationship with my God began.

I was worn-out having tried everything in my power to control an illusion I called my life. So happily I surrendered in 1998 October to this new track. Since then every step of the way I have looked to my God for answers and support was and is always there for me. An eye to see I opened and to trust I made a choice. Like a skylight on a dark and dreary night, light for me was there. My surrender and acceptance came quickly. Others who observed my success in the program said so. To me it was one thing at a time. It is a process which is worthwhile, insightful & a logical journey. It restored my outlook and my faith in me. It demonstrated to me different perspectives. It was the beginning of many, new and improved views and many miracles.

Implementation is in my hands results are not. Lessons are for me to learn. Change was to be my companion. All good literature which I strategically placed for another to read so that the said individual would change STOPPED. Instead I devoured such and the like myself. In doing so I realized how easy or how difficult it was to change. I no more demanded or expected anyone else to change. Peace came with comprehension.

At times my predicament was due to my poor choices even in that case if I reached for God’s power. It was present. I found solutions which were progressive and consoling. The power never failed to open a window of opportunity for me. Support is so regular and so strong. I grew to understand I had everything I needed in my corner. Solutions lay with me alone.

Faith rules and symbols hold no charm in comparison to it. But to me comprehension and creativity went hand in hand. I thought it would be satisfying to have something actual to hold onto. A physical reminder that I was not on my own would be a pleasant thing to have. That was the motivation for me to create THE WINDOW which holds the most powerful name on earth. JESUS.

Once made, it was comforting to know it was only a look, a touch away. In any event I reached into my hand bag to feel it there and whisper the holy name of JESUS. I never missed an occasion to open the window and read the name of JESUS. It gave me strength and peace. It gave me whatever I needed at the moment. It never failed. The hours which went into its creation were truly, time spent in the company of pure love.

In order to share
The hope of my experience and my joy, I give you a glimpse of ME

My childhood I will say was HAPPY and I was unaware of discomfort.

During my youth the sky was the limit in my daydreams. I was being myself with flourish. I did constructive work with children of the locality. ‘Summer Fire Club’ was my brain child. I ran this club successfully for three consecutive summer vacations.

As a young adult I excelled as an Early Childhood Educator. Creative and appreciated was my work. But personally my thinking shifted to anticipatory mode, waiting for things to happen. It was my attitude that was attracting the impractical. I loaded my happiness in circumstances and persons. Much to my horror, my vision of how things should be or not be was not always acknowledged.

I got married. Life at best was stumbling, blundering, stressing. It comes with the package, when you live your life trying to be in control of home, job, family, finance, and social life. One rule I applied to all problems big and small. And that would be anger& fear ridden thoughts resulting in unhealthy solutions. That was clubbed with naive, shallow, fearful living. Happiness was fleeting. Circumstances deteriorated. I was lost.

Then in 1998 October at the first AL-ANON meeting I felt I was home. Positive vigor was what I felt. My growth as a person began. It was a wonderful challenge to put into practice rules of sane living. I retook my life in my hands by letting go of the need to control others. A burden was lifted with the single most potent statement I heard that day. “You cannot change anyone” How happy I felt because I really had tried everything in the world to change others. I knew it did not work. Yet family and society told me that I have to keep trying! Oh! How happy I felt, relieved really! Now, I put my energies into correcting and changing myself.

In 2000 October my marriage of 19 years ended. With my eight year old daughter I started a new life. This was a personal decision and is not a reflection on the wonderful organization to which I belonged. I had progressed much in my thinking and attitude. I continued to attend the programme and took an active part too. Not taking away from the gravity of my situation. I must say that I learned the most in the years that followed. I grew from strength to strength. Making amends wherever possible changing me wherever necessary was by then an ongoing process.

I grew strong. When trust let me down I grew wiser. By this time I realized it was my self-esteem that had taken a beating. This resulted in me making some poor personal choices. I got through consequences with dignity and fortitude with Jesus by my side. In facing problems retaliation was never an option for me. I used every situation that came my way as a learning opportunity. Thankfully my optimism never failed me. My faith grew. Hope became alive in the right places. Opportunity grabbed my hand, as it were. I found joy in day to day living.

I started on the journey to get to know and love myself first. It was a slow process which still carries on today. But it was and is ever rewarding. The biggest road blocks to a serene life, self- righteousness, self-justification, and self- pity I tackle painstakingly. My efforts met with effective results. My awareness grew. And I strode on to acceptance. I grounded my thinking in reality. For every step of progress I make I give praise to JESUS. I was getting to know HIM well. I could see myself stand before HIM in my heart and talk to HIM. From not asking for help to dumb staring then groveling to begging I inched forward to embrace a sane lifestyle. Learning that JESUS was really all about asking, not begging. That is progress.

Life goes on so hardships continue. But my steps never falter now. I have my window which I look through ever so often. From where I stand I can see love, feel hope and live in faith. I experience happiness which comes from contentment. That is the power of finding a window in JESUS.

Focus is my theme and I never feel like giving up. With HIM by my side I have everything I need. I have started making things happen for me. I am LIVING AND MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE. Forward and onward I never look back. Today, October 2009 ………..I am on my feet, facing the window of wonderful love……..

Love always,

Joscelyn