THE ONE TIME SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

I gave myself a break one day I let ME think of the past.

Of the buts and ifs’ I reminisced and the

Could be and maybes’ I dwelt on.

In rushed why without warning?

How did this happen to me?

Poor me! Lucky them!!

Lonesome me. Happy them.

What have I to smile about?

My mind struggled to keep afloat.

A tunnel opened it was lined with the slippery stuff of

self pity. I peeped in and self righteousness grabbed

me.

I slowly slid into the never ending down ward spiral of

self justification.

It was cold to look at but my feelings burned holes into

the fabric of my being. Bitterness I could taste in my

mouth.

Yes, it sure was a break I let myself have!!!! It was

breaking me alright!!!!! It happened so quick!

So I hauled myself back to the present and yes I like it

here in today.

The past is over and the future is not mine. Today is

my playground and do I want to play.

YES!

Everything has two sides.If your perspective gives you

peace you can hang on to it even if no one else agrees.

But when you feel like justifying your stand at every

chance you get. It is Time to try another

perspective.

I forgave. Then nothing else was left to do but the job I

love so well. And the day unfolded busy but the mind

was stable and calm. That is how I like it, its’ like a

million bucks to me!

Have you collected your million!

Love always

Joscelyn Fernandes

Tryst with Paranoid Thinking

Fearful is the mind of outcomes and end results so it struggles to find ways to control and stop the unstoppable.

Faith is no visitor in this environment. Hope has fled to another time and age.

You are standing as if on the edge of a cliff set on a bowl of jelly.

Imaginations are as fluid as real. A hazy feeling like smoke blurs every thought of calm.

Surrounding everything is a tight, unhappy & destitute goal.

The goal being I have to DO something. DO IT MY WAY and try and

keep trying to make it all well! I claim this is not unreasonable. I say

I know best. It’s my life I should know. Isn’t it?

Defenses up. Every thought goes back to that thought. What if?

Doom looms large? Despair is so friendly.

Arrogance stems from the likes of this kind of thought control. This was news to me. How can arrogance cause the hot ball escalating downhill to my ruin? When everything that I am trying to do is to stall that very situation of devastation?

How?

Mistrustful is the heart as I listen to the logic which seemed unreal and anger takes over.Not possible says a voice it is mine.

How can I not do anything to make things better?

How can I be expected to not scold, contrive & connive? It’s my life after all?

Suspicious of every intention

Obsessed with finding answers

I lumber on.......

Bad-tempered are the demands on one self and the other. This leads to more despair.

Then I stopped to pay attention to the logic of the Serenity prayer

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

A strange calm descends as surrender no longer means giving up hope. Rather it’s a method to think things from a different perspective. It is a road where human dignity is restored.

Pride rides out into the sunset. Saddle bags full of the past misconceptions.

Never to reign in this mind again.

Promise made. Promise kept.

Love always

Joscelyn

When it is time, it will be time enough.

Entertaining NO THOUGHTS of distress and worry

leaves one with a lot of undiluted energy and time.

It’s extraordinary to think many have lived lives such

as this quite naturally.

But for me, I have painstakingly tried and practiced

over years. With a heaping of small and big victories I

now have accomplished it in the 54th year of my life.

I should say here every experience has contributed to

my being. I acknowledge my good and sensible choices

and my imprudent and resentful ones too. I take full

responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

I may not agree but I appreciate those who disagree

with me. This is the toughest and the most liberating

clause I have worked to my peace of mind.

I chanced upon something I had written 14 years ago. I

was pleasantly surprised to see that how I am now is

exactly how I wanted to and planned to be that many

years ago. I never looked at myself as such a

passionate, meticulous and focused planner.

But I am.

I never admired myself for my persistence. Over the

years and decades ago I was told by many a coworker

and management of my focus and confidence to get the

task done with finesse.

But I saw it only as confidence of doing my best, just as

doing the needful and going the extra mile for myself

alone.

At the on start itself I could see the end result the way I

wanted it to be.

Once that grip was in place the routes to accomplishing

it were taken on a need basis and never compromised

on, in terms of quality and time investment.

My satisfaction at the end was the reward I sought. I’d

smile to myself in the dark as I lay my head on the

pillow. Well done! I told myself, enthused and raring

to go on to the next day and the next project.

I see myself now as successful at being ME. My heart

agrees. A floating feeling of peace surrounds as I write

this.

I forgive myself for all the trouble wittingly and

unwittingly I caused myself. As I write this my heart

flutters. That’s how alive my conscience is today.

Maybe I have yet to make peace with some things. But

I am on the path I will get there. At last I respect and

love myself as my God intended.

I am reunited with my inner self. I do things, the

things which need to be done for myself. An

expectation in perspective is a gift of fortitude.

Every human has borne pain.

The question is how does pain motivate you? Is it, to

tears, anger, revenge and then uneasy justification in

that order?

Yes, it does we are human after all.

Then after we make the choice of the course of action

the hard work starts. It’s a journey and the reward is

in this alone. I try consistently to walk this talk, I find

it worthwhile.

Try it!

Love always,

Joscelyn

The Power Of one

The Power Of One

The Power Of One

The Power of One

The Power Of One

The Power Of One

The Power Of One

The Power Of One

The Power Of ONE